just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
