I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
