Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
