my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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