He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
