just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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