So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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