I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
