did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
