From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
