I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
