2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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