that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
