but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
