someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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