My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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