Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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