More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
