Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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