I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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