So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
