So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
