By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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