i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
