it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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