I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
