Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
