i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
