I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
