An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
