took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
