I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
