Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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