She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
