Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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