hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
