then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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