I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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