I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
