did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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