My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
