yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
