Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
