I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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