She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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