You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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