I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
