I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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