All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
