the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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