I puked a lego.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Randomize
