so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
