you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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