she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
